Too Much To Handle

I need to blog soon.
All of these emotions are killing me.
This is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
And I need to let everything out.
I'm about to explode.

Don't give up.

Word

I don't know if there's a word for what I'm feeling right now. I wish I knew the exact word so I could express my feelings. But I don't. I guess it's just so many feelings put into one that it would be so hard to describe it.

Hmph.

Giving Up the Gun

I just felt like posting pictures today. I miss Nicole and her camera. SNAP SNAP SNAP all day. Come back soon!

Lesson Learned

1. I feel like I can't state my opinion. I feel in this household mistakes are looked down on rather than encouraged. In my opinion, mistakes are what shape you as a person and they help you learn to make better decisions in the future. Why are you guys so different from the rest? To everyone I have told my problems to, you guys seem out of the ordinary. I know you do and say the things you do because you love me but sometimes it hurts. I know love is supposed to hurt but not all the time. Lately you guys have just made me feel so bad about myself. I am really trying hard to make you guys happy and trying to make as little mistakes as possible. I wish I had the guts to stand up to you guys and tell you what I really feel and give you my side of things rather than you just lecturing me and telling me everything I do wrong. How about telling me something I do right for once? How about praising me for my grades or my sports. Criticizing someone without giving them positive feedback too is useless. It just makes the push you away. And I hate to admit it, but yes, I am pushing you guys away right now. I am trying hard to be good and make the right decisions but I can't handle trying to do my best whilst at the same time being criticized for it. I know you guys are just trying to make me a good person and not be seen as other as a girl with no morals and values but please, I think I have seen, heard, and learned enough in this family to know what is right or wrong. All I'm asking for is a little bit of leeway in order for me to learn from my mistakes rather than you you guys sheltering me from everything and not letting me learn for myself. When I don't have you in every moment of my life one day, how will I survive? I'm trying hard and so should you two.

2. I learned a lot today. No, not from school. From one of my best friends, my boyfriend. He indirectly taught me that when you get yourself into a crappy situation don't freak out and react whatever way you want. You need to think about what you're going to say because other people have feelings and you should never forget that. I learnt that how you deal with these situations that we are often challenged with should be faced with patience, calmness, with an open heart and with your ears ready to listen. When talking something out, don't always think you're right. The common misconception is that you have to tell that person what they did everything they did to make you feel bad. Wrong. You have to listen to what they have to say before you can share your side of the story. What they have to say is really important and you should just listen to them. Also, when confronting them don't say "you did this, this, this, this oh and THIS." Say it in a nice way. No one likes to solve problems when things are tense and when both people are frustrated. So keep calm. I know I didn't exactly deal with today's situation in the best way. In fact, I was ashamed with how I dealt with it and I'm sorry. Thank you for just dropping it and telling me everything was okay. Sometimes, that's all I need and today was the first time you ever did that and it made me feel so much better about the whole situation. Thank you for being you and for always being there for me no matter in what mood you are.

3. I love Art Pixie's blog!

4. Oh hi there cute elephant. I need to learn how to draw this.

Stop

You just don't learn do you? You don't keep your word either.

It makes me really sad.

Contra

For those of you who haven't had the PRIVILEGE to have listened to this heavenly piece of heaven, please do. I downloaded the album today and it's truly amazing. Before when one of my song providers, Nicole (thanks dear), recommended me this I thought it was trash. HAAAA. For some reason I trust Genius more than Nicole. Sorry brah.

Please do listen to this. You will thank me :)

Goodbye Summer 2010

How boring can a book get? Okay, why do teachers insist on making us read something that is near impossible to understand? Maybe it's just me and I'm stupid and I'm not good enough for honors English or whatever but I think I'm not the only one who is being tortured by this book. So I've just settled for reading Sparknotes even though that is really confusing to read too. I feel so stupid right now...

So, last day of summer is here. How wonderful... not. I'm really not excited for school. Soccer season, yes but school, no. I think I got too used to lying in bed till 12 and not using my brain for anything more than counting coins to buy milk tea and fan tuans at 711.

I plan to spend the last day of summer doing what I wont be able to do for another 9 months. Laying in bed with the ac on, lights off, curtains closed, brain OFF, covers ON, cookies and grapefruit juice nearby, and dreading reading Sparknotes.

Hasta la vista summer 2010.