This Is Not Home

How come every time I come to the states I don't feel at home even though I've lived there for most of my life? For some reason I feel like I am from Taiwan rather than from Venezuela or Arizona. Obviously when someone asks me where I'm from say Venezuela but I don't feel like I'm from there. Yeah, I love the food, I love seeing my family, going to the beach and stuff but I just feel so out of place. That feeling is even stronger when I come to the states. Whenever I see girls my age here I just feel so different from them, I don't know why. It's kinda sad that I don't "fit in" or whatever, but I honestly don't mind that. It just doesn't feel right being here hmm.

I need a new camera. I love taking pictures and documenting my travels. I should save up because there are so many moments I'd love to remember and take pictures of. Examples? The moonlight reflecting on Santa Monica beach at night, the interesting people that walk in the Santa Monica boulevard mall, the amazing Arizona sunset when we landed (wow, I forgot what those were like), THE STARS here in Arizona. Wow I think I could entertain myself for hours just by sitting somewhere and looking up at night. They are so beautiful. Well I guess you can't take pictures of stars, but you get my point.

Sometimes I feel living in the States would be so much more interesting and eventful than Taiwan but then other times I think to myself how home-y Taiwan feels and how easy it is to get around and how safe it is. I think I should enjoy every second of Taiwan before I go to college because I won't have Taiwan forever and I'll probably live in the states for a really really long time.

I just remembered how easy it is to put on the pounds here. Its depressing with all the yummy food there is here. Chipotle!

Tomorrow is my brother's wedding. How exciting :)

You Could Say

“Too often we are scared, scared of what we might not be able to do, scared of what people might think if we tried, we let our fears stand in the way of our hopes. Why? There’s really no time to be afraid. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Everything.”

You could say that this is what inspired me to start a blog.

Packing

Packing for summer just feels so sad for me right now.

I honestly don't even want to go anywhere for summer, especially not Venezuela.

I think the most fun I will have over summer occurred over the past two weeks. EHHH

Well I guess I'm looking forward to my brother's wedding but that's pretty much it.

I'm going to miss people, Geoff, I'm going to be away from home in a third world country where its super unsafe and you have the constant worry that you'll get robbed or even killed. I am so not ready for this. I'm not even excited for shopping in Arizona. How fun.

When will I have a somewhat fun summer?

:(

Complicate

Why do people feel the urge to complicate their lives with either thoughts or unnecessary actions? Some people make bad decisions when they know they are making bad decisions but they do it anyways and they know at the tim they are doing it that this will bring them unhappiness anyways. So why do people continue to do these things and later on complain about ho unhappy they are? So confusing... Other choose to complicate their lives through thoughts. Over thinking things leads to complicating your own life. Why ring up something form the past just to dissect it even though it doesn't affect your current life anyways? Oh boy...

Something I learned this week is that you may think you know someone so so so well but one action might be committed and this might change everything you have every positive thought you have had about that one person. Even if the action wasn't meant to impact you, your thoughts about this person may be changed negatively forever.

You know when one person does something to your friend but you still like them because they haven't done anything directly to you? I used to think thats the way it should be. I used to think you should not like a person until they did something to you. But I noticed that a person's actions say a lot about what kind of person they are. So I think its okay to not like a someone, even if its a friend of yours who did something bad, even if they haven't done anything directly to you. Hmmmmm. Some people might consider this judgmental but how is it judgmental if the action that person committed just proves that they're not a good person in general.

Bittersweet

Was waking up to the smell of pancakes and Geoff the sweet part of my day? Or maybe the 3 hour walk Jasmine and I took around Tianmu one last time before going our own ways? How about the ice cream sundae we ate at haagen dazs? Or just looking into the future and imagining where we would be in 5 years. All of these things made my day so great. On the other hand, the bitter part was at one point where we were walking through Tianmu park. It hit me. My best friend is really leaving tomorrow. I don't know when the next time I see her will be but I really hope its soon. This was the bitter part of my day. But there were lots of exciting and AMAZING things that made up for it :) You better come visit missy.
Thank you for waking up so early to come and see me. The heart shaped pancake made my day.

It would have been better if the bottom was filled with caramel rather than black coffee. Yuck.

Sitting there talking about the past, the present, and the near and far future, watching the sun disappear from the cloudless sky like those girls in Paris (hehe) was so much fun. I guess at the end of the day we did find something chill and fun to do. I guess anything could be turned into fun even if its just sitting on the grass at a park. Too bad Nicole wasn't there. We missed you, you weird little Jesus Phoenix!

Unkown

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

I think sometimes we hold back from doing things we want to do because we think we'll fail. First of all, there is always some chance that things wont fail. Second, if you never try, you'll always wonder. What if I would've done that? Third, why are you so afraid of failing is failing is part of what makes humans so unique? If we actually tried things that we knew that there was a chance at failing at, I think it would open up more chance for succeeding.

Bad Day

Yes, today was a horrible day for me.

Half of it was spent crying. Half of it realizing that within months, I'll find myself without my two best friends. It will be hard but I'm trying to be optimistic. Thanks for a good last day you two. I know its cheesy but you guys will always have a big place in my heart. Awww. Too much cheese huh? But its true. Please keep in touch with me. Or at least read my blog to know what's up with me. I know you wont make a blog but Jasmine I really encourage you to. It helps. And you could even make your own fashion blog. I would read it more than three times a day. Haha.

As for the other thing. I'm still hurt. And as I said in my last post. I am forgiving but I'm trying really hard to forget and I go through waves of forgetting. I'll get distracted and everything is fine but then I think back to reality and its just devastating.

Enough sadness. Here are the things that have made my first two days of summer totally worth it.

Loved going to Smith&Hsu for tea with my lovely best friends

"Nicole I love you without braces" - Rene

Jasmine cheer up! Don't fake smile

I went to go buy paper today at the bookstore to make a big collage of pictures on my wall. Yes I chose this picture just for Nicole because of the cat. You're welcome

I thought this dog sleeping at one of the stores at Shilin was adorable. The best part was the if you put your head near its face, you could hear it snoring. How cute.

I noticed that I will miss really small things about Nicole and Jasmine. Jasmine's weird faces that she practices in the mirror. Or Nicole's obsession with bokeh.

Thanks for a great night at Shilin girlies, we should definitely do it again some time in the NEAR future.