Reactions

Sometimes, I'm even disappointed and surprised by the reactions that come out of me sometimes. I've noticed I laugh when I'm scared. Cry when I'm supposed to be happy. Am sad what I am supposed to enjoy a moment. I really have to try to fit my reactions with the situation. I definitely need to stop laughing when I am confronted because it just makes things worse. I guess the only explanation for my laughter is that I am so scared and uneasy about what is happening that I try to do something that I always do in search of reconciliation and to make things go back to "normal". Laughing just makes things worse and to others it seems as if as if you're not serious about the situation and stuff. So I should really stop doing that. I should really stop ruining the moment and crying when I'm happy. yeah, tears of joy are just awesome but sometimes it just ruins the moment huh? And crying always makes you a little bit sad so yeah. Just try to enjoy the moment. Also, I need to stop being sad in good moments. I start getting sad becuase I think about the moment ending or something ruining the moment. I think for this type of reaction just living the moment will be the best remedy. Not thinking about what will happen in 10 minutes but instead, living what's going on that second.

I have been so appalled by my own reactions lately and they have lead to many apologies. One last time, I'm sorry. I guess it's times like these I wish I was more like my brother Rafa who enjoys every second of his life. He lives it to the max and is happy whenever he can be rather than ruining the moment with negative emotions and reactions.

Jackie, just chill.