Forgive and Forget

I've noticed that forgiving is kind of easy. As time goes in it can either go two ways. The first one is that that as time passes, more opportunities for getting hurt arise and so you forgive more often and then it becomes easier. The other path it could take is that you get hurt so much that you don't want to forgive. I think you should forgive. After all, forgiving is an attribute of the strong. But what I have been finding so hard is forgetting. How hard is it to forget the time when your friend hurt you? Or the time your mom yelled at you? Or the time that girl you don't know glared at you. Its so hard to forget those moments, but honestly forgetting is something that is part of forgiveness and without forgetting the act of forgiving isn't complete.

Lately I've been quick to forgive but I haven't been able to forget. It just stays in my mind gnawing at every inch of my mind until it tears me apart. For some things, especially the ones that hurt you a lot, I just don't know how to forget.

I should forget though. If you don't forget, chances are you'll bring it up in an argument or the next time that person hurts you.

Something else I should learn to do is to not let it hurt me in the first place. I was thinking and I've become a person that I over analyze everything people say to me and I usually end up taking things the wrong way. I should really learn to let things go and not let things get to me so much and look at the big picture. My main goal in life is to be happy and I should ask myself: Will dwelling on this help me in any way? If the answer is no, then the best thing to do is probably forget it.

I sold my stuff at a flea market today and made money for summer shopping. Then went home to study. I spent time with my dad, something I should do more often. Hmm

Eric Nelson

After school I craved noodles so I went by myself and got myself some milk tea and some wai dai niu rou mian. I felt so local haha.

ANYWAYS.

So Mr. Nelson really put some wise words in my head today. He gave his goodbye speech in the last five minutes of class. I think its such a shame that Earth science is being discontinued next year. But what I think is even more sad is that Mr. Nelson is leaving. Some think he's crazy, some think he's a nerd, but I think he is a genius and I love how although he has had so many setbacks in life he has found something that he loves to do which is teach students something he is so passionate about. I can tell some teachers are teaching just to earn money. This guy is the opposite. Yeah obviously he needs a salary but I honestly think that he does think because he wants to educate people. He wants to share everything he knows with young people. His one and only goal is not to get an A+ in his class but as long as you're learning he is happy for you. I find it amazing how he is willing to stay almost every day till 7 pm at school for students. He is really an inspiration and I love that he is so passionate about what he does. His lectures are the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed.

And today he said something that I know I will remember forever.

"You have the seeds of greatness within you"

that really impacted me.

And at the end he said: Just learn. Cheating is useless. Grades are somewhat useless. Learn everything you can, that's what school is for anyways so why not take advantage of it and educate yourself.

Mental Vomit

So many things on my mind, hence the title.

My day started at 5:30 am today. Fun. Painful morning, yes it was. I thought the day would get better once I went to school. But guess what. Things really didn't get better. In fact, they got worse. Moodiness and pain were just radiating off of me and everyone could tell. I think next week after exams everything will be fine. I'm so stressed right now its kind of painful to think about.

I apologize too much. Its something that I noticed. There's not much to say about it, I don't know if its a bad thing or not. Maybe it means i make too many mistakes or maybe it just means I'm afraid of people getting mad at me. I think its a bit of both.

Today was also my last art class and I finished my project yay. I can't tell if it looks good or not. I think I'll post a picture of some of the things I did soooon.

So lately I've been talking to people that are my friends, some even my very close friends but I've noticed that I'm so lucky to be surrounded by such nice people in my life. I think middle school was just horrible because you're still trying to figure out what kind of people you want to be with and some people are still really fake. But I think ninth grade marked a point in everyone's life where they just started to be who they really are. For some it started at the beginning of this year, and for some at the way end. I can really tell who are the people who I want to share the remaining high school memories with. Unfortunately some of those people have to leave but I'm okay with that now.

I'm so proud of some people like Rene and Maxine for opening themselves up to me and the blogging world. I know its hard at first and you're afraid of being judged but I promise in no time your blog will be only for yourself and you'll get to a point where you think to yourself, "If people judge me, then they're not worth being with. I know my friends won't judge me and my friends are really all that matter so why be worried?" Rene, especially you, when I read your first blog post I was so surprised to see that your true self is shining through. Who knew it took something like a blog to start becoming who you really are?

So Maxine shared this quote with me yesterday:

True friendship is sitting together in silence and feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had

And that's really what my friendship with her feels like. And Maxine, this is to you: Sometimes things have to get better to get worse.This is a time of pain for a lot of people especially because lots of things are coming to an end. Relationships, lives, school, but i think all of these things are capable of starting new beginnings and you just have to look at them in a positive way to get the best out of these occurrences.

And to you, thanks for always brightening up my day. You always make me feel better and sometimes I even forget I'm sick. You're the best.

Fabi

So over the course of this year we have drifted apart a bit. Not because we have chosen to, but because we have been busy with our own lives. When you're so close you don't always need to hang out to prove that you're best friends. But somehow I know you're always there for me. I know I can always pick up the phone just to talk, or stop by your house to chill with you. You're always there for me and this is my time to be there for you. I just want you to know that in times like these or not, I'm always here for you. Today after school I just wanted to go home and chill by myself because my day was honestly far from perfect but I hung out with you because I knew you needed me and if something like this ever happened to me, you'd be there ready to talk. So I hope you know that you can call me at 3 am or whenever. I'm always 378 steps away from your house. I just totally made that number up but we should definitely count one day. Fabi, honestly I miss you. And take what I said to you in to consideration. Enjoy your summer and life goes on. I guess things like these have to happen for better things to come together. And eventually, I promise, things will be better. But right now the best advice I can give you is to just spend some time either by yourself or with a close friend or with your mom or dad depending on your mood. All it takes is time to accept these things. I was going to say "get over" these things. But you never get over these things. You just learn to accept them. I know you're a strong person and I know you can get through all of this. That's wy you;re my best friend.

Te amo.

No One Likes To Be Sick

I know I haven't posted in a while. Apologies.

I guess I've been busy being sick with a stomach virus, singing year books, spending time with people I probably won't get to see for a long time, and making memories that I need so I can hold on to these people for hopefully forever.

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've always loved this quote but it hit me especially today because I guess I have been getting angry at one person lately. I thought about it a lot today and I know exactly the reason why I've been getting mad so easily. I'm so sensitive about her leaving. It just makes me so incredibly sad. I guess when someone's mad its because deep down they're hurt. And honestly, I'm hurt. I know you don't mean to hurt me but I can't help the fact that I'm hurt. And I really apologize. I know I should be making these last months good for both of us. I have thought about this a lot today because I feel really really bad. I owe you a face to face apology. You know who you are. Thanks for always being there for me and I guess I have just been really irritable lately because I know that you're leaving soon. But it's really not your fault so I can't take it out on you. I apologize.

As for you my dear. I'm sorry for hurting you. I just hope you know what I really want and what I don't want. I hope that after writing that two and a half page essay I wrote for you in your yearbook you realize how much I care about this and us.

Someone else I'd like to mention is my new friend. I've noticed you really do care about me and I know I can trust you with pretty much anything. I don't know how, but you know me really well even though we have just recently started talking. You can count on me for anything buddy. Thanks for always watching out for me :)

I Once

Heard a quote. I wasn't even paying attention at the time. I think I was just spacing out. I can't remember where or when this was but I think it was about 3 or 4 years ago. But right I heard it I got chills down my back and thought about it for the rest of the day. The quote goes something like this.

"You are who you want to be."

At first I took think quite literally. I wanted to be so much like one of my cousins. So I thought to myself that I didn't need to try to be her because I was already like her. As time went by and I thought more and more about this quote I realized two things.

This quote wasn't to be taken literal at all. This quote was talking about you have everything you need to be the person you want to become. Whether you aspire a profession or a lifestyle or just a type of person you want to be. You are equipped with all the tools you need to become a better person and the person you want to become. Intelligence, determination, and all that good stuff. If you were really meant to be the person you wanted to be, you would have all of those attributes. So don't dwell if you want to be a certain type of person like a really caring person or something, chances are because you WANT to it will happen because you will subconsciously use those tools and eventually change.

Be yourself. If this quote is taken literally, you will get thoughts like the ones I had before of wanting to be someone else. Everyone is blessed with good things about them. Everyone has a reason to want to be themselves and no one else. You were given your personality and looks at birth for a reason and I'm sure it was a very good reason. So don't try to change yourself to match someone else. Change yourself for the better, but never to match someone else. BEcause if everyone did that we would eventually have only one type of person. How boring would that be? That would totally defeat the point of even having people different people on this Earth. Everyone was made differently. You can't really change that and if you did it would be quite terrible so why not embrace it?

Enough about that. I will spend the rest of my Friday night watching movies with my mom, and eating apple pie poky sticks. You should try those. They're really really good.

Dear Ingrown Hairs

Hi there. You have been chilling on my legs for more than a month now. You're grossing people out with your redness and pimple-like appearance. People are like "Dude why do you have pimples on your legs?" I usually have to stick up for you and defend your ugliness that resembles a pimple. Then people usually just pretend they're not grossed out and walk away probably thinking I'm some kind of freak who grows pimples all over her body. So I think its time you pack your bags, I think the only bags you have are PUSS, and go back where you came from. Although I don't really know where ingrown hairs came from anyways... But you have been like an annoying little kid who has been deprived from attention all their life and at the worst moment they decided to go all ADD and call for attention. That's what you ingrown hairs remind me of. But anyways, go back to ingrown hair land. You are not wanted here on my legs. My legs need a break from all of the harassment they have received from my friends in the past month.

Yours truly,

The girl who wants you to leave.

These make me happy

I know you can't really tell but its a polaroid. Yay. It looks like our outfits were planned but they really weren't. This boy sure makes me happy.

Also, I recently found a pretty nifty website that I have been reading in the morning before I go to school because it gets me in a good mood.

http://1000awesomethings.com/

Cordially Invited

1. What makes a memory memorable?

Is it the people who you spend that moment with, or something you're doing that you have never done before because usually your firsts are really special and you tend to remember them for a lifetime. Maybe its a song that was playing at that moment or even a smell. I know that's bizarre but you know sometimes you smell something and it reminds you of a certain point in your life? Or a song, most songs instantly take you back to a certain moment or remind you of a special person in your life. I have yet to think about this question but I think its something that will definitely take a long time to get an answer to.

2. Yes I deactivated my facebook. Why? Because I felt like it. This is an example of something that one of my friends mentioned to me today. Everything I do or say is question my my parents or other important people in my life. Sometimes I wish I could just do things without having to worry about a certain group of people or an individual dissuading me or bashing me for doing it. Everyone is free to a certain extent so I'd like to take advantage of that and not have people always control what I do. Sure, give me your opinion on what I do. But don't tell me what to do. I know I sound really rebellious but someone mentioned it today and its so true. If I do something someone is sure to be negatively affected and I don't want that. I never persuade other people not to do something. I just tell them my opinion. I'm talking about the littlest of things here and the big things. I just don't think I need justify every decision or action I make. So yeah, I guess I want to take control of my life a bit more.

3. Exams. Oh gosh words just can't express how amazingly excited I am for these... Plus, I found out today that we are going to have an art exam next year. UMM HI! Why do you think so many students take art till senior year even though they are only required to take one year of it? Because they like it and its the only class they can go to and relax while being productive at the same time. I don't need you to give me an exam to prove that I am learning something. Art is something you can't teach, art is something you find within you. I don't think it should be forced. Have you noticed once something is forced on you its not fun anymore? Honestly, I think school would be so much fun if it wasn't forced, and if tests weren't forced. I strongly disagree with having an art exam next year. It frustrates me.

4. Speaking of frustration... I need to stop getting so frustrated about things. Nothing good comes from ongoing frustration. Be frustrated for a while, but get on with it. Don't let it affect others around you unless it has to and don't let it affect the things you love. In my case, soccer. I get so frustrated sometimes. But someone really special in my life taught me a valuable lesson yesterday and I don't think they know how thankful I am. It really did help. I know that getting frustrated just brings your whole team down and it brings your game down. Just get on with it and just channel your frustration into determination to do better next time. I know I said frustration a lot but there really is no other word to describe that feeling.

5. Something that I really want to do before my beloved cronies leave for boarding school,(which by the way I have accepted after a weekend of sadness which eventually lead to realization that it won't be that bad and I just need to make the best of it) is a sleepover. I haven't had a sleepover in AGES. So Jasmine, and Nicole, one of the reasons why I wrote this blog post is to cordially invite you to pick a date in which we can have an amazing slumber. Haaaa. You pick the date. We can watch the sun rise like we have been wanting to for a while, pig out on our favorite munchies (jasmine: ice cream, nicole: twix, me: marshmallows), and do pretty much whatever we want. So yep, I'm quite excited.

Wow, sixth grade seemed like a long time ago... I have cool friends don't I?

I'm off to take a nap. I will probably end up blogging later because I have lots of things on my mind.

Violin Player

So the Washington Post did this experiment in the New York subway. A man volunteered to play six Bach pieces on the violin for 45 minutes and record people's reactions. 2,000 people passed the man and he earned $32. The reactions were the usual: the occasional shy kid tossing some loose change into the old hat placed on the floor, the busy business man walking by without even glancing at the musician, the average person who pitches in a dollar bill. What these people didn't know was that this man was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most complicated songs, with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars. So this musician who was playing under cover was part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made …

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

I think sometimes we just need to slow down and enjoy life. You can be so caught up in school or work or other things and not realize that you're not actually LIVING you're life to the fullest. When you're old and wrinkly you'll regret not enjoying and actually living your life. I'm pretty sure you won't remember going to work every day and doing the same thing over and over again. Be spontaneous. When you have the chance, stop and look up at the sky once in a while, stop and listen to the musician on the side of the side walk, notice something you haven't noticed before. Don't let life pass you by.

By the way. I am really really really sad right now. The kind of sad where you want to stay in bed and never get out and cry for a really really long time. If I didn't hang out with Nicole today I probably would have done that. But thats what best friends are for. Thank you :)

Vipassana

So I'm not going to write about my saddening day because that will just bring my mood down even more than it already is. I should really cheer up soon but its hard. I'm trying though.

Something that I read about during lunch today in Eat Pray Love ( Or as Nicole says it, Eay Pray Queef... don't ask) is that there is this meditation called Vipassana. I know that sounds really weird but its actually really interesting. Basically, its just sitting. You aren't allowed to move no matter how severe your discomfort. If you feel uncomfortable you are supposed to meditate on that uncomfortableness. In life you will encounter situations where you feel you can't go on anymore. We as humans tend to immediately avoid these situations in order to escape the reality. This meditation teaches that grief, suffering, nuisance are inevitable in life and if you can sit through them all for long enough, you will, in time, that everything eventually does pass. Some situations in life seem as if they are unbearable and I don't think you should just shift yourself to avoid these things. By facing these nuisances you become stronger and if you don't allow yourself to break you WILL become stronger. I know that's quite deep and that might not make sense but to me it makes perfect sense and I know that maybe I don't have to necessarily meditate to do this because the meditation is one aspect of practicing persistence but what I can do is face these situations with a positive attitude and that each of these things are inevitable therefore I should use them to my benefit.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that people who really mean everything they say and who are honest people don't get enough credit and are usually bashed. This is super unfair because they're actually trying to help. Plus, it takes lots of courage to honestly state your opinion without being scared. These people are the people who if you ask for their opinion they're not afraid about your reaction they just want you to know how they feel about it. They just want to be honest. They aren't afraid to say exactly what they think. I really truly admire the people who are like this. I have a friend like this and if I ever have a doubt about something I'll ask her and I can confide in her that she will give me a truthful and meaningful answer. I think people like this are at a disadvantage because they think everyone else are like them and also mean what they say. So if they ask someone for their opinion they are expecting an honest response. This kind of sucks. So I think everyone should start being honest with themselves and the people around them. Say what you mean, and don't be afraid to. Wow I am not making any sense today am I?

Ohh and I was thinking and i realized that Thursdays and Sundays are not good at all. They're my worst days. There's no real reason but some how they always manage to just bite me in the butt no matter how hard I try to make them good.

Enough of that! On to a happier note...

http://colormekatie.blogspot.com/

I absolutely love this blog. She is so creative. I think I might steal some of her ideas because they are simply amazing.

I'm off to a happy place... I think.

The People...

Who make high school so incredibly worth it. The people who I spend most of my time with. The people who make me happy. There are way more. But those will come later.

These are all taken with the camera Nicole and Jasmine gave me for my birthday. I got the photos developed and spent quite a long time scanning them. I actually had fun doing it. Its so exciting :)

I will sure miss A day lunches with you. And probably everything else.

Okay you guys look gorgeous in this picture. Maxineee! I love our long talks. Thats all that has to be said. Well there's a lot of other things. But you know why you're a big part of my life and I have told you endless times in all of the birthday cards I have written you.

Rene I love how you make everyone laugh just be being yourself. Thats something I've never told you but I really like that you're 100% yourself.

Oh dear... What can I say about these two? Both of them will go to some far far away land and leave me here. Not necessarily by myself but at the moment it really feels that way. I am super duper happy for them because they are following their dream and they are achieving their goals. But its really really hard to have your best friends leave. I know I can't suffer forever but for right now I just have to. I'm not going to pretend like it doesn't affect me or that it doesn't chew up my mind sometimes or that i don't cough up tears because I really do. Sometimes you just have to let yourself be sad for a period of time while you learn to accept things. This is going to be one hard fact of life to process. I know that they will always be there for me no matter how many miles away they are. I want them to know that I will be one skype call away. I will miss you both so much. Sorry for my bad moods lately. I guess knowing I have such little time to be with you guys really tears me apart. Love you both to the moon and back ♥

Why hello there Justin. All I wanted to say it congrats on making class president. I know you will do an awesome job :)

So if you wanted to give me anything as something to remember you... It would probably be your shirt. Thanks.

Adrian. What can I say buddy? Apart fro being my art, english, mandarin, and math buddy you're also my listener. The person I spill everything on to. I'm sorry sometimes I just don't shut up but it really helps to have someone just listen and once in a while give you advice. Thank you.

Peyton. I think you're probably one of the most hilarious people I have ever met. You make me laugh. I know that's not very hard, but hey, if you can make Mr. Nelson laugh you're probably doing something right haaaa.

I will miss your clothes. I like them a lot.

“Life gives us brief moments with another…but sometimes in those brief moment we get memories that last a life time…”

—

unknown

Don't Let Your Emotions Control Your Words

One piece of advice that I give you is do not let your emotions take over you. Don't let that frustration get a hold of the words that come out of your mouth. Regret is the only thing that comes from allowing yourself to do that. Regret brings that horrendous feeling in your chest. Those chest pains that depending on how strong they are will inch nearer and nearer to your heart and your heart is the most vulnerable place you have when you have given all of it to one person. Once you let your sadness or your madness get a hold of your words, you have immediately put your heart in danger. Because chances are you didn't mean what you said. Chances are you will regret saying what you said. Apologies will flow out of your mouth. I know they're flowing out of mine, thats a good thing, it takes the burning feeling away.

Once your emotions grab onto your words there is no going back. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling besides apologizing and crying. The only thing that will make me feel better is knowing that everything is okay. I'm still not sure of it.

I should be so thankful for what I have. Some people I know have less than four weeks to be together. Why am I getting lost in the little things that make me angry? I should look at the big picture. The big picture is to make us happy. I forget that sometimes. Big mistake.

Chest burns only exist to make you realize how much you care about something or someone. I guess the more intense they are the more you care. I care so much about this and I should have never let my emotions control my words. I'm sorry.

Ehhhh. My shot on Friday was quite painful.

Before...

During!

Today Was Simply Amazing

I liked today quite a lot :)

Another thing that I have really wanted lately is a polaroid. I already have my Diana F+ which reminds me... I haven't developed my film in a while. Thats on my to do list along with a billion other things... GRR. Nicole and I decided that when the impossible project (http://theimpossibleproject.com/), which is an amazing project by the way, hurries up we will get an SX 70.

I would die to have one of these. Polaroid sucks for going out of business. Actually the people who stopped buying are the ones who suck. Polaroids, I think, are much better than digital cameras. But that's just my opinion.

Like a fish needs a bicycle

I need this like a fish needs a bicycle.

This means i don't need this.

I know its harsh,

But I don't.

I am perfectly happy with the way things are right now,

I want things to stay exactly how they are right now

because honestly i love the way things are going and I wouldn't change this for anything.

I don't know ow or why you would be so selfish.

How do you think he feels?

How do you think I feel?

Maybe you should have thought of that before you blurted it out.

My heart dropped.

Not because I was thinking of you.

But because the first thing that I thought of was him.

I didn't choose this.

Earlier, I said I wish this never would have happened,

but this made me realize how much I really don't want things to change.

I have had absolutely no doubts about this.

Why would I throw something that I have invested so much time in,

something that makes me so happy?

I won't.

I wish it was understood that this doesn't change the way I see this.

That we are strong enough to get through this.

Another thing that aggravates me,

it is going to be so so so awkward.

I wish it wasn't, awkwardness kills.

Sure, we can be friends. But once things pass over.

Plus, I am going to do everything it takes to prove that I really don't need or want this.

Even if it takes not talking to you.

The truth hurts, but i promise it will help.

Bob said...

❝you may not be her first, her last, or her only. she loved before she may love again. but if she loves you now, what else matters? she's not perfect-you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. she may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. so don't her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.❞

Bob Marley☮

I really really like this quote. I guess it shows that all that women want is to be treated well and to have their heart kept safe. Relationships don't have to consist of all of that sweet stuff... I mean its nice, who doesn't like it. Like those lists on facebook that say like "100 things girls want guys to do". I think those are kind of pointless. Not all girls like the things that are on there. But most girls like to be treated well and fair and I think that's all guys have to know. The basics. I find this quote much sweeter than all of that "what girls want guys to know" crap.

today was a good day. well... to a certain point. I took my Asian studies test. That went quite well so that made me happy. After school no one was doing anything. Everyone was planning to go home at 5:30 so that was kind of disappointing. I had to get get a shot at the hospital which caused me a huge deal of pain. But i took it like a man so its all good.

I went to buy a present for Geoff and then went to have sushi with daddy. Productive :) what would be even more productive is if i started homework now. But that would just make me feel really lame. Homework on a Friday is productive, yeah, but its also a drag. I guess I'll stick to skyping Geoff :)

Things I Eat

Indian butter chicken. People always say "ewww, indian food is gross" not until they eat THIS.

Honey Nut Cheerios are the shizzle.

I also miss my raspberries. They don't sell them here. Bummer

Cookie dough ice cream. I miss it terribly. Too bad they don't sell it here

This is my breakfast. Yum.

I feel like such such such a fatty for posting things i like to eat. This must mean i'm hungry.

Yes I am so bored right now as you can tell because I keep posting things but I am just dreading studying for my Asian Studies test tomorrow. PLUS, school decided to be horrid people and block BLOGGER AND TUMBLR. So now I will be posting much less because I can't post in class which is where I always post. But I will try my best to keep it up :)

Self Confidence

“what if you could buy self confidence in a jar. take twice a day, with a full glass of tea; do not take on an empty stomach. now this would not be self confidence in the form of mood elevating drugs or weight loss supplements. more of a jar, you could open up & it whispers beautiful things to you. confidence is such an alluring quality in creatures & really, everyone should feel confident. you’re alive, that makes you beautiful. everyone is beautiful. slight things make you beautiful. that speck of gold on your otherwise green eyes, that freckle the shape of maine, the gap in your teeth, the fullness of your body. everyone is beautiful. if this is true, why is it so impossible to feel sometimes? we sink our skin into bathtubs of luke warm water searching for our flaws. the superficial reason he/she might not fall in love with you. we don’t look within towards the passion in our blood- the things people will actually fall in love with. looks fade & anyone can fall in lust with a look. it’s trite but true that in the long run that is not what you want in a mate. you want someone who intrigues you, makes you a better person, someone who compliments your very existence. if self confidence could be purchased in a jar it might say your heart beats like a rabbit & you glow when you smile. it might say the way your brain works is extraordinary, you notice things everyone else is too busy to see. it might just whisper you’re breathing, you…are…alive.”

—

source

So not

looking forward for summer.

My summers always suck. Why can't I spend my summer in a magical place like Greece? Or Italy? Or Paris. No I have to go to Venezuela and be scared every second of the day that i might get pick-pocketed and kid-napped. Its just so stressful going back, you have to watch your back every second of the day and I just do not want to spend my summer feeling unsafe. I want to have an amazing summer. I want to do things I have never done before, do things I have never done before. But I guess that won't happen till at least summer of 2011. I might to to Paris with Nicole and Jasmine. But its just so far away from now. And thats not even set in stone.

My summers for the last 5 years have consisted of going to either Arizona or Venezuela and doing nothing. Sitting on a couch watching tv or going to the mall everyday. I spend the entire summer with people no where near my age group. Its unhealthy. So by the time 2 weeks of summer go by, I want to be back in school because working is better than sitting in a place thats not even somewhere I call home doing absolutely nothing.

Summers sure do aggravate me.

Perception

Today during art I asked Adrian something. Why is it so hard to draw what you see? We talked about it for a while and realized that its so hard to draw exactly what you see because because your mind distorts your perception of things.

This doesn't just happen with observation drawing, it happens with how you assess situations, your feelings towards other people and lots of other stuff. I think we are born with a certain set way of seeing things and throughout life that perception changes according to the people who come in and out of your life who teach you something everyday, or maybe it is affected by a book you read, or something that happens to you.

I also think perception has a lot to do with what mood you're in.

Today is six months with me and geoff which i thought was very exciting :)

So here's a super old photo.

Jasmine

So on Friday me and my friends went to Dog's head and chilled. It was so out of the ordinary compared to our normal Friday plans: stay after school, get milk tea, go eat dinner, watch the soccer game, and go home. So we decided to do something extraordinary and while we were at it we snapped some photos which was really fun. I discovered that i really like photography. I know everyone likes it to some extent but i really really like it and i'm considering getting an actual nice camera. Maybe Christmas. I know that a long time away, but stilllll.

That reminds me, i gotta go get photos developed huh?

But anyways, as you can see, the title of this post is Jasmine and she is also in the picture so i am dedicating this post to her. Not only because she is one of my best friends, not because she helps me with everything, not because i have such fun with her, not because i think she is one of the only people on this earth who knows everything about me, but because i am going to miss her so so so much at the end of this year. You know when people move at the end of the year in middle school you say you're going to miss them and you stay in touch with them for a while but then your relationship kind of just fades away? I know for sure that me and Jasmine won't be like that. Care to know why? Because i have known her since the fourth grade and there is nothing i don't tell her, there hasn't been one time where she has failed to cheer me up and she is just genuine friend who i adore. I'm trying not to think about her leaving this year but every day the departing date inches closer to us and it hurts me. I try to just enjoy the time i have with her but on Friday i realized; my best friend is leaving. I'm not even going to try to deny that school will be easy without her. I know it won't. But i'm so happy that she is finally getting to pursue what she has wanted for a really long time which is to go to boarding school. I hope she enjoys every moment of it, she deserves it and i know she'll do great. One thing i'll miss about her is being able to talk about anything and everything. Pointless or not pointless, deep or not deep, each and every conversation is special to me and i'll remember each and every one of them.

I know next year and every year after that won't be the same without her.

:(